Impossible~

  Impossible, a song introduced by my fren to me when i go study with them. Long time did not write my blog due to a very common reason, which is lazy. Lazy can drag or even pull you down in many things, but sometimes it just become the most suitable way or a method for you to keep relax when you are emoing, which what am i feeling now. Found out that i am really have potential in mumbling[how to spell? watever again...], can relate a song to my feeling...

  Wat happened in this sem might seems good actually but it is not in the fact or at the back of it. Assignment was coming as usual and as usual last minute work again except one particular assignment. This sem pay a lot for assignment work which is around 300 ald, haha, but end up all spoil one by one, or maybe mulfunction one by one.

  There is one thing which i realize this sem, which i think i am actually more comfort in being alone, but is it? Assignment time i think all of you should know wat actually happened if you see my emoing wall post in facebook. Maybe it just seems like too irritating but at least this is wat i felt and at least i have to find a place to express it.

  "Zi Qi" is wat i am searching now after i watch one movie by Lee Hom. Fren easy to find, easy to maintain relationship and etc, but zi qi is not. Fren can easily missing from your point of view or collapse from your list. Well, now i am feeling there is something around me, something taste lonely, something taste sad, something taste "impossible"..

  Today was another exam which I feel i can get through it, at least not like others sub... this is a special sub for me. Honestly i dint pay too much effort in it but thing just arrange nicely, byte by byte in my memory register. My mind can actually work like a machine language when i see the assembly coding. Maybe it sounds too LCLY, but honestly, i dun wanna make any words or clarify anything that i wish to express, dump inside a deep hole due to dun want let HER sad or unhappy.

  What for everytimes think bout others feeling while me myself might suffering from thinking all of this? Thing might seems like CASE A for you but for me maybe is CASE B. You won't know what i am actually feel when u feel something, agree? Well, at least 7 of them agree. So i will try to write what i feel now here, without any secret anymore... why? Dun ask... is not the "funny ans" for this ans anymore, cuz it is serious stuff.

  Many of my fren say i am thinking too much, which i agree and i wont change that kind of characteristic of mine. Since the very first day of sem i already make my point of view very very clear [aka totemo clear..], dun come and borrow notes from me at the very last moment. Ya, i know i wont be using it at that particular moment, but cant u just come and borrow from me at least a week or a few days[aka 7 days] before it? It is quite annoying to hear this kind of asking permission question while i was studying, and you know i cant say No as easy as you all....

  Next is the study method, from the first day of studying for this final i realise group study have a very marvelous magic. Learn better and more efficient way. But from there also, i found out that not all people suitable for group studying. If you see this and you feel maybe u are the one i am talking about, ok, i am fine with it. But before u angry or u wanna say some rude word to me, think deeply, am i simply "wat" you or is there is actually something wrongs going on? Think pls....

  Start from that particular moment, I know i at least found some fren suitable for studying, after count, at least 4 come into my mind now... Maybe you feel angry that i did not invite you for the other group study, but here is the real reason which i want to share now:

1. I am not god, i cant even help myself in some sub[micro p for exp], thus if u come might ruin up all my dreams
2. Some give me a feeling that you wish me to tell you all what i know before you work on it, yup, sounds getting LC d is it
3. Group study mean i am not the only one fellow in the study environment. There is other human being and not i dun wanna invite, but if i invite will they agree? Think from my turtle fur point of view which is kinda silly...lol
4. Is not your fault 80%, is mine.... did you ever think of sometimes even if you are not the worst fellow, i dint invite u? Sure there is something and i think you are more clear than me, what i am trying to say here

  I really seldom on my laptop this few days due to some reason: I dint at my home for 90% and i am study while i am at home, WITHOUT on my laptop. I am not as good as you think, maybe you think i am LC, look down you or you, dun wanna teach you all, but did you all actually think from what is my point of view.

  Today when back, radio broadcasting a song- "Impossible" which suite my feeling, damn suit... impposible for me to get my dream marks for my dream sub. Impossible for others to understand me, impossible for other to think wat am i feeling now... Then after that song was another song, again introduced by the same group of fren again-"Love the way you lie", I wish I could be honest without lie, Just Say NO, but i dint, cuz SHE grab my hand while i was about to step out my first step, fren is hard than what i say just now, to maintain....

  From the moment i reach home, i cant hear anything, but some water droping sounds, from no where. Lazy lazy till 1030pm, finally made up my mind go for shower session. At the shower room, feels that the air around is not cool, but kinda lonely cool... feel quite weird when thinking i might did some wrong move in past few days, which will cause my list getting shorter. Suddenly viewing point getting darker and darker... I know my eyes full of water at that time, or maybe i am too stress.... silly and quite "cold" ho, a big old man write something so girlish.

  Nah, just dun think too much.... that is wat DARK tell me. Oh ya, thx to my fren who willing to share his knowledge vf me in my dream sub, without you i think i cant even pass 3 question today, although 80% of that is wrong[not confident, my characteristic...] and etc... I know maybe this is I am acting too fren to u, mean u are actually just know me and i just keep on walk around you acting like i know you for so long and you feel irritating.... but thx anywhere, I learn from many of you. Thanks for give me a first experience to overnight at fren house because of studying purpose, thanks for provide me some exp in studying and playing at the sametimes, thanks for everything and etc.... Next i would like to share a video clip, which of cuz from youtube and i own nothing of it.... Impossible by Shontelle